When Fears and Desire Collide: What My Experience with the Ocean Taught Me

Fears can prevent us from many things in life, and this is especially true when the default way to deal with our fears is to avoid anything to do with them. But what if our fears are tied to the things we desire most? Many of us miss out on what we want the most in life because we can’t bring ourselves to risk the fears we have attached to it. An example of this for me came to light during a recent trip to Maui.

As we prepared for the trip many asked us if we would go snorkeling while we were there and my answer was always an immediate no. Swimming in the open sea where dangerous sea creatures could find me was not in my plans.

When we arrived and went to swim in the ocean for the first time, I realized that my fear of the ocean was not just limited to snorkelling. I could barely force myself to go in the water past my knees. I expected to be able to see into the water clearly, but when the waves came in they picked up so much sand that I couldn’t see what was in the water and the unknown was just too much for me. So, I would walk in the water as far as my nerves would allow me and then very shortly return to sit on the sand where I felt safe.

As the week went on, I went in the water here and there but never so far that my feet couldn’t touch the ground. I loved getting up early to sit on the beach and watch the waves come in and out, this brought me so much comfort and peace, and the way we ended every day by watching the sunset at the beach was so restorative to me. Yet, I was faced with overwhelming fear at the thought of diving into those same waters. From the shore, I was able to see many different groups of snorkelers in the water. I was also able to see surfers ride the ocean waves a few times and that was amazing to watch, but it was another activity I had no desire to try.

Then I found the sea turtles; a whole group of them napping in the sand on the corner of one beach. As I watched, I saw a few at a time going into the water riding the waves and peacefully gliding underwater until they decided to ride the waves back to the sand.

This filled me with so much joy that I almost couldn’t handle it. I wanted to get closer. Yet I was prevented by the taped-off area on the sand that was put in place to prevent people (like me) from disturbing the resting sea turtles. So I went up to the viewpoint area just off to the side and above the turtles, where I was able to get a better view of them in the water, but they were still so far away. I climbed down the cliff to an area of rocks just off the water to try to get a closer view. I was able to get a few photos and videos, but still at a distance. The only option for getting as close up to the sea turtles as I wanted to involved the one thing I was determined to avoid on that trip → actually swimming in the ocean.

Seeing the sea turtles did something powerful for me, it showed me an example of what there was to gain by risking what I was afraid of. My fear of the ocean changed when I recognized that it also held something I greatly desired.

On the last of our trip, I was able to go deeper in the waves than I could before. I was still aware of my fears but was more focused on what was to gain from swimming in the ocean at that moment. We also walked by a beach that day where everyone was getting surfing lessons. As I watched them, I was surprised by the desire welling up in me to take surfing lessons, since it was another thing I was too afraid to think about before. But I had a new outlook on the ocean now, and instead of thinking “No thank you” as I would have before, I thought to myself “That doesn’t look intimidating, I think I could do that!” As it was our last day, I knew it wasn’t a possibility for this trip, but I did take note to look into that if we ever came back.

I left that trip with a deeper understanding of how to engage with life. What I’ve learned on that trip has made me reflect on the risks and joys of all the best things in life.

Anything connected to life, like nature, our relationships, and our faith, will tap into both our greatest fears and desires. The extent to which we are willing to risk in these areas is the extent to which we can receive what life has to offer us.

The fact that my greatest fear and greatest joy were wrapped up in the same mysterious and majestic thing causes me to wonder…

What other areas of my life am I allowing fear to prevent me from what I desire the most?"

I think maybe we can all benefit from this question.